A movie review by:
Andrew Vigeant
As Lindsay Lohan discovers who her "killer" really is she says: I know who killed me. I think I died watching this movie...but was awoken by the annoying ringing and/or irritating noises of peoples cell phones. A small town(I have no idea what the name is) is a victim of a sadistic killer. Sooner rather than later, he sets his eyes on Aubrey Fleming(Lindsay Lohan). She is a young, bright girl with a lot of potential, and when she goes missing it causes quite the stir. After awhile someone eventually finds her, in a ditch, and she is taken to the hospital. After she awakes she insist that she is not Aubrey Fleming, but, in fact, a girl named Dakota Moss. Is she really who she says she is, is she just hiding what really happened to the police, or is something even bigger going on?
The aura that my friend Stefan and I had while going into this movie wasn't pleasant. After it ended, it was slightly better, although, still foul smelling. The car ride their was full of funny times, and lots of talking as always. While in the movie though, other than the movie experience itself, I was getting inreasingly angered at the retarded teenagers because they left their cell phones on. One time in particular I nearly yelled out "turn that shit off" partly because it was a rap song and partly because it kept happening over and over again.
Oh god..the acting part..I mean...yes now for the acting part of this movie yay!! Okay..a little TOO enthused their. Lindsay Lohan(Aubrey Fleming/Dakota Moss) does a great job in this film. No, no, no, I'm NOT joking, or trying to upset you. I'm only telling you the truth. If she could control/change her facial expressions more, though, she would've had an awesome performnace. She delivered a goal-surpassing level in my eyes, and I'm impressed. Neal McDonough also knows as Neal Mcdonalds Doughnuts(Aubrey/Dakota's dad) does an average job, but what did you really expect from the doughnut man? He makes a mean charcoal grilled burger though let me tell you! Julia Ormond(Aubrey/Dakota's mom) not only looks cute on screen, but adds a sense of "mother-ness" and humor to the screen. Her performance is good, but nowhere near Lohan's. Thomas Tofel(Douglas Norquist) plays Aubrey's painist. I don't know what the director(Chris Siverston) was on when he allowed this man to play this part, but I'm disgusted. Not only can he not act, but he looks stupid, awkward, and sluggish on screen. *Major Spoiler* At the end of the movie we find out he is the sadistic master mind behind the limb-cutting murders. This is a surprising and unexpected twist, but he fails to deliver especially at one of the ending scenes where Aubrey kills him, his performance in that scene was the worst I've ever saw in a movie my entire life. That is something to really think about becuase I've seen a lot of movies and I've sat through Hostel AND Hostel 2. The best part would have to be that before you know it's him he looks like one of the guys from the blue man group. It makes this film hilarious whenever he is on screen even when he cuts people up becuase you just laugh and think hahahaha one of the blue man group members. If only he didnt wear blue gloves and hat and such. This man nearly made me cry and vomit at the same time. He nearly makes me envy Eli Roth..I said nearly!! *end of spoiler* Brian Geragty(Jerrod Pointer) looks shy, awkward, confused, and sweaty on screen. He also sort of walked with a hunch-back which was mildly amusing.
The actual good parts about this movie are very rare. This movie had so much potential if only they would've actually read the script instead of using it as a napkin for their drool while they masturbated to Lohan. The fact that the whole movie ties together using the color blue is an amazing idea although they still could've done so much more than they did. The owls were a nice touch, but never really expanded upon. *Spoiler* When Dakota Moss and Mrs. Fleming are watching the video tape of inside Mrs. Fleming's womb when Aubrey was in their is an immensely emotional moment. Dakota ends up crying along with Aubrey's mother when watching this even though she doesn't even know Aubrey's parents. The last highlight would have to be Lohan's great performance, and the fact that she neglected to do any nudity for this film. I actually am beginning to respect her again, and again I'm impressed with her.
Their are many drawbacks about this film, and I've mentioned many already. Basically if you can name/think of it then it was bad. The soundtrack, the editing, the camera angles, the script was all trash. Even if they would've put slighty more effort into this film by trimming the loose ends and edges it would've been so much more succesful. Once again, though, it had so much potential, and even if they would've tied it all together without loose ends it would've made the difference. Overall I can't recommend this film. It's a shame that they wasted all this potential though.
1 comment:
For me there are three types of bad movies. The first type is the bad movie that simply puts images on screen without any point whatsoever other than to try to please the audience with the way they look (Eli Roth's movies). The second type are the worst probably and they are the cliched comedies that rely upon nothing but what has been done before (Code Name: The Cleaner etc). The third type is the one this movie falls into - the films with a lot of potential that simply throw it all away because of incompetence by some major players (the director especially in this film).
But this review is amazing man. I need you to write more. Your reviews are so fun to read and I laughed out loud a few times while reading this one (masturbated to lindsay Lohan - lol) dude keep writing.
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